Beating around the bush (5)

Laborious.

Ploding.

Tiresome.

Shannon didn't like the weight room, especially when she was there alone. She preferred to work out in the company of friends. It was a Sunday afternoon and there were no familiar faces.

Everyone in the weight room appeared to be students. Coach should be around somewhere... he never seemed to take a day off. She hadn't seen him yet.

While this place had long felt like her home, each year the feeling was increasingly strained. She wasn't a student and yet she kept coming back to the same place to work out. It seemed as if her life was stuck. She had almost given up the routine, but last year it finally paid off. Getting off the road and onto the track had made all the difference. It was like night and day.

Shannon looked around. She had been lost in thought, grinding out her routine. Time to switch stations. The leg press was open, so she grabbed her towel and walked over to it.

She had always been a good cyclist, she had taken to it immediately as a little girl. She loved the sense of freedom it gave her. She loved the speed. Given her competitive nature, it was completely predictable that she would start racing as soon as she was old enough to enter events.

But even with all of her local successes, she had never really stood out in the road events, not at the national level. Always near the top of the list, but never a win, or even a place. Just enough to keep her chasing the dream.

Sure, she won lots of smaller events, but Nationals had always been the next step, and she just wasn't able to get over the hump out on the road. Last year, switching to the Velodrome, which she had always thought she would hate (how boring, right?), she was re-energized. She took her training more seriously. She was focused. She loved it. She took second at Nationals and looked like she had a serious shot at China.

She paused. Too heavy. She set the safety, and crawled out to change the weight. She was doing this one for range of motion, she didn't want to wear her legs out. The last person left it near the max. She looked around the room, 'Who in here thought that was a good idea?'

Yeah, China hadn't happened. It had been awful, but she was mostly over it now, and focused on 2012. She should have another shot at it then. She wasn't that old... not for cycling. A lot could happen in 3 years though, so her intermediate goal was Nationals again. If she could win that, that would make up for not going to China last year... almost.

"God...", she reached for her towel. She hated sweat running into her eyes. It was a pet peeve of hers. She had never gotten used to it. That's one of the reasons she started wearing goggles when she rode. People gave her hell about that when she was younger. Now most people wore glasses or goggles, or something.

She hadn't been in the gym for over a week. Not in the weight room, not even a pick up game of basketball with the other gym rats. She was still riding every day though, except last Friday.

She didn't like that church, and she didn't like the minister who had presided. That had all been her uncle and her brother. They had organized the funeral, she really hadn't had a say in anything. Sure, they told her, but by the time they called her to let her know, it was already arranged.

Not that she had any better ideas, it was her parent's church... the whole family's really. She had grown up going to it, and that was a big part of why she hated it. One of the only big fights she'd had with her mother (there were too many little ones to keep track of, but they don't count) was when she said that she would never step foot in that church again. And she hadn't.

Until Friday.

Shannon closed her eyes. 'Well, Mom, I guess you win that one.'

Shannon had loved her mother and they had been very close. They would fight, and then 5 minutes later they would cry, and hug, and it was all okay. She had a better relationship with her mother than most of her friends had with theirs. Heck, maybe all of her friends. She really told her mother just about everything... just about.

Her father had always seemed to favor Bobby. Dad was always very protective of Shannon, as was Bobby, which annoyed Shannon sometimes, but other times she was grateful for her older brother.

Shannon and her father never told each other secrets. That had always been the exclusive domain of her mother, and it was an important ritual that helped to bond them together. Mom was the official "Keeper of Secrets" for Shannon. Dad and Bobby would take off, go hunting, spend time together. She and her father never really went anywhere together when it was just the two of them.

He would always make time for her at home, asking her about her homework, offering to help her with it. Shannon knew that he loved her... it just seemed that her Dad had a hard time showing it after a certain age, about when she hit her teens.

Well, for one thing, Shannon had grown as tall as he was. It seemed to Shannon that her height really bothered her father. Another thing that caused tension was that her father was against Shannon participating in sports. He lost that fight, thanks to Mom, but it wasn't until her junior year of High School that he really seemed to come around.

That was when Shannon had started winning.

Time to move stations again. Towel tucked in her waistband, she wandered over to the free weights. One wall of the room was a giant mirror. Well, panels of mirrors. She sat on one of the benches and started going through her usual cycle.

Shannon wanted to ask her father "why". Why he had been against athletics for Shannon and then why he changed his mind. She never asked. She had thought there will be plenty of time for that later.

She set the bar down and grabbed her towel. 'Stupid, damn rabbit trails!' Shannon did not want anyone to see her crying here. You don't cry in the weight room.

"Okay, stop thinking about mom and dad," she mumbled to herself. She picked up the bar and changed to curls.

She tried to force herself to think about her plan. What was she going to do leading up to Nationals this year. How early did she need to really get serious again with her diet... when did she need to cut out the bacon and muffins. She would talk to coach about how to ramp up the conditioning and then ask a couple of people who had offered to help from down at USOC. After her performance last year, she had countless offers of help, and at least a dozen business cards.

'Wouldn't hurt to run my plan by them, see what they say,' Shannon thought. 'If people want to help me, I should let them.'

As she was finishing that thought, she noticed a familiar face in the mirror. That face spotted her right away, and was walking over. She set down the bar and wiped the sweat from her face and arms.

"Shannon!"

Shannon was a little taken aback by Julia's enthusiasm. She came right up to her and bent over, grabbing her in a fierce hug. A little slow, Shannon hugged her back, but felt embarrassed.

"Julia? Are you okay?"

Julia laughed and pulled back to look Shannon in the face.

"I was just about to ask you the same thing." Julia was smiling, but her eyebrows were furrowed with worry.

"Oh God, don't get all mushy in here," Shannon said quietly. "Let's go jog a couple laps and talk if you're going to be all touchy feely."

Julia took the chiding well. She seemed reassured to here the familiar sarcasm in Shannon's voice.

Shannon grabbed her towel and looked around to make sure she wasn't forgetting anything. The two of them walked back past the office, and then left down the hallway away from the locker rooms, and towards the door that led out to the practice stadium.

There were some old metal stands along one side of the oval track. The track had been dirt when Shannon had first come to run here as a girl. By the time she was attending the university it had been replaced by a rubber compound. It was pretty firm, but it was much easier on the knees and ankles.

Shannon hadn't done much running in years, 'That's why God made the bicycle," she would joke. She threw the towel over her shoulder and started out at a strong pace.

Julia followed along, but it was a little too fast for convenient conversation. They ran in silence for a lap and a half. When they were on the far side of the track, away from the gym, Shannon slowed to a walk. She edged over to the seating and stopped.

She dabbed her face with the towel then tossed it on the bottom row of the seats. Then she reached back to grab her right foot, pulling it to stretch out her quad, and then did the same with the left.

Shannon smoothed out the towel on the metal seat and sat on top of it. Julia sat on the same bleacher a couple of feet away.

"How's the bionic knee?"

The scar had healed well, it wasn't as ugly as Shannon had feared after the surgery. She had hated that scar at first, but later realized that she didn't hate the scar so much as she was just angry at missing out at her shot to go to China. Coach had gotten the assist on helping her figure that out.

"It's good. Better than good. It still feels a little different if I move it certain ways, but it doesn't hurt. It feels strong."

Preparing for the surgery, Shannon had learned more than she ever wanted about ACL tears. They are pretty common in sports, even more so among women. She thought it was stupid that a cyclist would get that specific injury.

She had cut a corner too tightly in a meaningless road race. She had hit the curb, and caught her front tire in a storm drain when she tried to correct. The tire seized and she was thrown. She landed on her right foot and hyperextended the knee badly. She never felt the "pop" that a lot of people do with that injury, but she also hit the ground a lot harder than most.

"How are you Shannon?" She was obviously not talking about the knee anymore.

Julia was the one who would ride you if she could tell you were dogging it (she always knew), and would still ride you even when you were pushing, she just wouldn't be quite as mean about it. That had made her a great training partner.

This was different though. Even when they had been roommates, Julia was always focused. She could be friendly, she was really funny when she wanted to be, but she wasn't the one to be overly concerned with a person's feelings.

"It's been tough. I'm hanging in there though." Shannon didn't know how much Julia really wanted to know, so she kept it casual.

"Of course it has. We're all shook up." Julia looked at Shannon as if to emphasize her words. "I looked for you in the lobby after the funeral, but I didn't see you."

Shannon nodded. That had been weird.

"Afterwards, when Bobby and I walked out with everyone else, I just kept walking. I didn't feel like I could stand there and have all those people walk by, talking to me. It was ridiculous. I was mourning the death of my parents and they wanted me to stand there and let everyone parade by and tell me how sorry they all were."

Shannon was getting angry. She had thought the idea was horrible, but Bobby and Uncle Ray thought it would be good for everyone. 'Cathartic' was the word they had used. Shannon didn't think that either of them knew what that word meant. Torturous was what it sounded like.

Julia nodded supportively, remaining quiet while Shannon paused.

"I'm sorry if I'm coming off as rude, I know other people were mourning too, it wasn't just about me... but I just couldn't handle it. I couldn't do it. It wasn't an option." Shannon let go of her anger quickly.

"I get that. It was tough for everyone. Especially you... your brother... and your aunt and uncle. You had other family there I didn't even know, it seemed. It was a lot of people."

Shannon looked over at two dormitories across the road on the far side of the track. Someone was hanging a bedsheet out of the window from the building on the left and it was flapping in the breeze.

"I was just worried about you. That's all." Julia was tilting her head a little as she looked at Shannon. Shannon was not used to seeing this side of Julia at all.

The sun was getting low in the sky and the breeze was starting to bite. It was time to say something if she was going to.

"Julia, there's something else. I want you to hear it from me, rather than get a mixed up story from someone else." Shannon's gut was starting to knot up. If this was hard, how bad was it going to be to tell Jana?

Julia nodded.

"Go ahead, tell me. It's fine."

Shannon wondered if the aliens that had taken over Julia would stay happy when she was through telling her about Mark.

"I'm seeing someone." Shannon decided to break it up into chunks if she could. It was a spur of the moment decision, improvisation motivated by cowardice.

Julia seemed surprised by that. An amused smile jumped up onto her face, and she looked genuinely curious. She didn't say anything, but it looked like she really wanted to.

"The thing is, it's someone you don't like so much. I am afraid you are going to be upset... well... for a couple of reasons." Shannon paused again, trying to give Julia time to adjust to each step. This time Julia didn't stay quiet.

"Shit Shannon, you look really worried. Listen, I've known you for years. I was your roommate for crying out loud. We're pretty close." Julia was sounding like Julia now, which was both reassuring and worrisome. The real Julia would bite Shannon's head off.

"Whatever it is, just tell me. I'm a grown up... and unless you tell me that you slept with my husband, I am not going to disown you." Julia had a forced smile on her face, trying to be supportive, but she was concerned.

Shannon looked down at the wedding band on Julia's finger. It was simple. Her husband had offered to get her anything in the whole store, but Julia had picked a plain gold band. She had told him that it was a symbol, not a piece of jewelry.

"Julia. I really messed up." Shannon, looked away. She focused on the bedsheet, still waving at her from the dormitory.

"Do you remember a week ago Friday, when we were out at Mac's?" Shannon was still trying to stall. Maybe it would be easier if she didn't have to actually say it.... "Do you?"

"Yeah, sure. I remember it. Ron and I left before everyone else, he had gone into work early that morning and was really wiped out. I drove him home." Julia was concerned and getting a little impatient.

"Well, do you remember who I was with that night?"

Shannon felt a bit stupid now... it was the kind of thing she had done back in junior high. Angela, a new friend (later to be best friend), had caught on that Shannon had a crush on a boy. Angela was pestering Shannon at lunch, trying to figure out who the boy was. It was a week before school got out for the summer, and they had their yearbooks out. Shannon made Angela guess, going through the pictures of guys, pointing at them until she got it right. It had only taken Angela three tries.

Julia looked puzzled. Maybe irritated too. She was thinking and shaking her head slightly.

"Nobody. You didn't bring anyone. It was me and Ron, and you, and then Jerry was there with Kris...," Julia looked a little less annoyed as she took a mental roll call of the night. "Mark was there, but Jana wasn't... something about working late. Then the only other people there were Tim and Traci... they were late, and arrived just before Ron and I left. That's it. You were there alone."

Shannon nodded, then looked down. Her voice was quiet. "Who was I sitting next to?"

Julia's eyes stared off into the distance for a moment and then her face went blank. Then her eyebrows shot up, and she looked back at Shannon with a strangely tired expression.

"Oh shit." Julia took a breath. "Please tell me you did some group sex thing with Jerry and Kris." Julia was shaking her head faintly while she was speaking. "I think Kris likes you, you know. You could probably ask them about that, I'm sure Jerry is up for it."

The sarcastic joking was a good sign. Julia wouldn't be doing that if she was really upset... at least that's what Shannon was hoping.

Shannon wasn't sure what to say, so she just sat there for a minute. The wind was really getting cold now.

"Let's go get some coffee, this is going to take a while." Julia stood up and started walking back to the locker room and Shannon followed.

They didn't talk while they walked back to the locker room. Shannon did hop in the shower just long enough to rinse off, so Julia was waiting inside the front door by the time Shannon came out.

"Shannon, just tell me this. Do you know what you are doing?" Julia looked at her seriously.

Shannon didn't respond. She didn't know if she could say that she did, truthfully. She didn't want to admit that she didn't.

"Shit." Julia turned and walked outside. She held the door for Shannon for a moment, and they walked over to the bike racks together.

"'Pastries and More' okay with you?" Julia asked while her fingers were fumbling with the lock. The sky was clear and it was getting cold fast. Shannon noticed it in her fingers too.

"Sure." They rode across campus and took a right on South College. They didn't talk while they were riding.

When they got to the shop they found a couple of seats back in the corner. The place always had music playing a little too loud, so even though there were several students there with their laptops, taking advantage of the free wi-fi, Shannon and Julia were able to talk quietly and keep things mostly to themselves.

They spoke for over an hour. Julia went back and forth between being concerned and being angry. Shannon expected the anger and appreciated the concern. Things were going about how Shannon had thought they would, maybe even a little better.

They ended up with an "agreement to disagree". Julia wasn't convinced that Shannon was behaving in her own best interest, and was fairly sympathetic towards Jana in the whole thing. However, Julia also wasn't going to disown Shannon... although she made no similar promises for Mark.

"You know I've never liked him. I've put up with him hanging out with us because you and Jana wanted him there. Shannon, some people are just bad. They can seem okay for a while, but sooner or later they go back to their nature, and then all hell breaks loose."

"Julia, I think that people can grow. I willing to bet that he has."

"Yeah, but babe, you're going all in."